This was a really bad week for straight dudes. Not only did your dad’s favorite person, Lance Armstrong, admit to doping and being a complete asshole, but a supposedly famous Notre Dame football player Manti Te’o was fake “catfished,” even though he was most likely in on the whole thing! (And maybe he’s even gay!)
But not to be outdone by straight white men, a lesbian had to stand up and prove that the homos can be just as much of a disaster as the heteros. Since Lindsay Lohan wasn’t at the Globes this year, Jodie Foster stepped up to be the resident hot mess. The actress drunkenly “came out” to millions of people while telling everybody that she wants to be private! Leave her alone! It’s not like she’s broadcasting her life to the entire world or anything! Stop bothering her!! Put Flightplan in the DVD player and remember this amazing woman for what she really is: a once highly respected actress who’s now kind of a disaster friends with Mel Gibson!
King twink Zac Efron was photographed near a bunch of glowing dildos in New York City this week, but it was unfortunately, suppoooosedly, just for a movie! None of us would be surprised though if we saw the glowing, pulsating dildo peek out of the top of Efron’s jean pocket as he walked down the street, now would we?
Lindsay Lohan is reportedly living every gay boy’s dream of being a high paid escort (to the tune of $100,00 for a New Year’s Eve date!) to pay off her bills, without even having sex! Anybody who knocks her is just jealous that they aren’t paid 100 grand to be a boring dinner date.
I wrote last week that Britney Spears may be getting a $100 million Las Vegas deal, but now the number is supposedly hovering around $200 million for two years! Can you imagine how many packs of Newports that could buy with Vegas prices!?
Amanda Bynes got a cheek piercing this week. Why can’t we go back to She’s The Man era Bynes?!
Now that Haylor’s over, Golden Globes crasher Taylor Swift is back in the studio and has penned FIVE new songs about her breakup with perfect human being Harry Styles and his four nipples.
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image via Amanda Bynes’ Tumblr