The Fag Hag Guide: How To Be A Wingwoman For Your Gays

If you’re a girl accompanying your gay friends to a gay bar, you better make sure you look fucking hot. I not only dress to impress, but my vibrant blonde hair and stunning shoes always seem to draw attention to myself and whatever gays I’m out with.  Unlike your gay friends, I won’t try to steal the guy away from you, unless I’m blackout wasted.

So what does being a wingwoman entail? For starters, you better not be a fucking bore because no one wants to talk to a brick wall. If you can’t maintain a conversation, you are worthless to any gay trying to get his dick wet. Luckily for my circle of gays, I love to talk and have many talking points I can touch on. I’ve realized that as big as the gay community is in my city, everyone’s connected in one way or another. When I meet new gays, I always like to go through the mutual friends we may have. Not only is the social networking a great conversation piece, but you sometimes find out secrets and let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a good secret or two?  I can usually sense if my friend and said guy are hitting it off, and if they are, I nicely excuse myself to go to the restroom or get another drink.

I tend to follow-up with one of those two and then locate another friend to talk to while my friend continues flirting. If the opposite happens, and my friend isn’t into it because the guy is lame or the guy is an ass, I keep the conversation focused around myself and that way we can be on our way with no weird vibes from either side.

One of the best parts about this world is that gays who go out love to dance! The dance floor can be where my friends and I dance like idiots and don’t give a shit, and it can also be the place magic happens. Nothing gets you in the mood to get it on like grinding on some hot guy with a “Turn Me On” remix playing in the background.

One night I was out with a good friend from college, he pointed out this guy who he thought was cute. The dance floor at this specific place was rather small, but that wasn’t stopping me. My friend, Matthew, was tearing up the dance floor so I kept slowly dancing closer and closer to Andrew, the guy he thought was cute. Once we got close enough, I grabbed Andrew and started dancing with him myself. Matthew was dancing closely behind me and I noticed some touching and eye fucking going on so I slowly slipped my way out from between them and let them do their thing. By the end of the night, they had made out, exchanged numbers, and within a couple weeks, hooked up. My work there was done!

If you’re especially fabulous, randos will come up to you and start up a conversation. Don’t mistake that they most likely just want your friend’s dick. Make sure to quickly introduce him to the boy you’re with, since that’s surely what he’s after when he compliments your heels and asks you how your night is going.

Like anything, being a good wingwoman to your gays takes practice and time, and vodka will always help you. Not every guy your friend’s interested in is going to be interested back. Don’t force a connection between them, and if there’s no interest upon one side, let it be and move on. There’s plenty of other fabulous guys out there waiting to be swooned!

More from The Homo Life:

39 Signs You’re A Twink

5 Words That Need To Be Banned From The Gay Dictionary

Coming Out As A Gay High School Athlete

Image via Flickr user ShockinglyTasty

About KaylaNeys

Kayla Neys is an 20-something whose biggest concerns are what to wear to go out and where the nearest bar is. She's from the lovely city of Minneapolis, MN. Tweet her at @KayleNeys

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