7. Call Me Maybe - 2011 had Rebecca Black’s “Friday” and 2012 had Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe.” Although it’s painfully obvious from Jepsen’s Christian rock band wardrobe that she’s in desperate need of a stylist or at least a gay BFF, any song that topped the charts due to a sing-a-long video by hair salon shampoo girl Ashley Tisdale and Justin Bieber is gay as can possibly be.
6. Homos take Washington - President Obama voiced support for marriage equality and a lesbian became senator. Plus, 3 additional states legalized same-sex marriage.
5. Honey Boo Boo and Uncle Poodle - While traditional media, celebrities, and the elite were horrified that uneducated overweight people were pulling in millions of viewers a week and making hundreds of thousands of dollars, the rest of America found a loving family who loved and supported each other, including Alanna’s nine-toed gay uncle, better known as Uncle Poodle. Honey Boo Boo even knew Anderson Cooper was gay before he publicly came out, proving the 6-year-old’s gaydar is better than millions of midwestern housewives.
4. Everything Lindsay Lohan - She starred in a TV movie that only the gays watched, became friends with Lady Gaga, ran a guy over in her car, got assaulted by a guy in a W, and punched a gypsy, making her a hotter mess than any homo could have ever tried to be. Her spirit animal is obviously a rich twink gone bad. Hopefully 2013 will bring a reality show or perhaps she’ll be a new addition to the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?
3. Justin Bieber’s shirtless Twitter pictures - Whether he was in bed, looking as if he was getting ready to bottom for Usher, or lifting 5 pound weights, the Biebs kept 12-year-old girls and twinks around the world wondering why American Girl doll Selena Gomez dumped the ab-licious millionaire singer.
2. The Summer Olympics, and most importantly, Tom Daley - The summer of 2012 was filled with speedos, speedos, speedos, and more speedos, and introduced the greater gay world to the reigning Prince of the Twinks, British diver Tom Daley. He’s friends with One Direction, he never wears clothing, his abs make you feel worthless, and he’s most likely gay as a goose.
1. One Direction - What else is there to say? The five twinkalicious Europeans: Liam Payne, Zayn Malik, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, and Niall Horan have taken the world by storm. They’ve sold out Madison Square Garden, unbuttoned Taylor Swift’s pants, adorably held puppies, released two chart-topping albums, and looked flawless doing it. Zayn’s blond hair streak was as gay as a drag queen taking a foreskin shot and Larry Stylinson refuses to die. If we’re going to use ‘N Sync as an example, one of them’s probably gay (Zayn!), and unless they film a Bel Ami DVD, 2012 will probably be their biggest and gayest year yet, but there’s always hope for the future.
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