In breaking news that shouldn’t really be breaking news anymore, Lindsay Lohan was arrested in a Chelsea nightclub for allegedly punching a gypsy! Unfortunately, it wasn’t one of those crazy gypsies from that TLC wedding show, and the case is expected to be dropped. But seriously, what the fuck is LiLo going to get arrested for next? For robbing a bodega after stealing two packs of Marlboro Reds and a Capri Sun? For setting the fire alarm off at Barnes & Noble after using a the pages from a Spongebob Squarepants sticker book to roll a joint? Who knows! At least we’ll only have to wait a month or two to find out!
And also, since every gay you follow on Twitter was feverishly live-tweeting every single moment of Lindsay’s “Liz and Dick,” you thought that the whole world must have been watching, right?! NOPE–only 3.5 million viewers tuned in, ranking it below some Lifetime TV movie called “The Carlina White Story.” Poor Lindsay!
The once chubby little kid from “Two and a Half Men” is now kind of hot and hates the show that pays his $350K per episode and thinks that Satan might be involved, which I feel like he should get over since he makes $350,000 an episode. PLUS, HE IS DATING STALKER SARAH!
Jared Leto exemplifies why nobody should leave the house without their eyebrows by looking like this.
Will.I.Am and Britney Spears released their new song “Scream and Shout” (above) that’s painful even to the ears of the gayest hardcore Brit Brit fan. I’d rather listen to a 5-minute track of “It’s Britney, bitch” play over and over.
Beautiful man and all around perfect person Joseph Gordon-Levitt is set to play Batman in the upcoming “Justice League” movie and I think everyone can agree that this perfect choice is perfect.
Jessica Simpson, who has the same pregnancy length as a mother elephant, is pregnant again! I wish her the best of luck when she gives birth in two years.
Since Taylor Swift has dated everyone on the entire planet, including your dog, it’s only a matter of time that she turned her attention to the One Direction boys since if she dates each of them for 3 weeks each, that’s like…almost 4 months total right?! She won’t have to think about who to date next for 4 months and that’s a huge weight off of her tiny shoulders. Her first prey is Harry Styles and Harry is such a baller that I bet he’ll dump her first which will be really exciting. I can’t wait for T-Swift’s VH1 dating show in 20 years!
And finally, Rihanna just LOVES her boo Chris Brown! She takes pictures hugging him and even tweets pictures of him shirtless in bed! Twitter famous comedienne and celebrity troll Jenny Johnson was not having it though and got into a Twitter fight with Brown that got ugly and (kind of) entertaining. Chris Brown deleted his Twitter account and Jenny Johnson gained tens of thousands of followers and precious media attention which is what everyone wishes would happen when they angrily tweet Kim Kardashian, Mitt Romney, or any other easily attack-able public figure, but we unfortunately don’t have her prowess and comedic skills at making fun of feral-looking Kristen Stewart.
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