Hello world, I’m Julia, and I’m a lesbian. Completely and totally, through and through. Frankly, thinking about a penis gives me that weird wet feeling you get in the back of your mouth before you vomit, and sometimes I even find it hard to eat popsicles. So why the fuck have I fallen head over heels for five British boys wearing striped shirts and tight pants dancing around on the beach? That’s right, I’m a lesbian Directioner and probably the only one of my kind. But I’m not apologizing.
There is something about Zayn’s ridiculous tattoos, the weird mound of curls seated atop Harry’s head, and the way the sun bounces off Niall’s braces that sets my heart a flutter. I can’t resist spending hours perched in front of YouTube watching their interviews or checking what the boys are up to on Twitter, and with the release date of their second album growing closer and closer, I find myself simply on the edge of my seat.
I wasn’t always this free with my love. The first few days of my obsession was a hard time, one filled with much guilt and many secrets. I still remember the wave of shame and self-hate that came over me the first time my curser hovered over the ‘One Direction’ tag on Oh No They Didn’t. With time I’ve come to realize that there has to be a reason that these guys are selling out arenas in seconds and selling millions of albums worldwide, and it’s because their music is a goddamn good time.
Sometimes it feels good to let loose and listen to some youngsters sing about going crazy, crazy, crazy, ‘til they see the sun or staying up all night with Katy Perry on replay. It’s fun and I’m not hurting anyone, as long as I keep my obsession under control–an issue that arose a few months ago when I got hammered and told the girl I was hooking up with that one time I was driving in my car listening to the classic 1D hit, “Everything About You” when I looked into the sky, saw fireworks, and suddenly she came to mind. It definitely wasn’t my best line and she wasn’t impressed, but I have since gotten things a little more on lock. Plus, she still sleeps with me.
So although I am unlike all other Directioners in the world in not wanting Harry Styles’s penis anywhere near my face, I’m still having a blast with the boys and enjoying every new single, video, and awkward kiss Harry places on the cheek of swooning female interviewers. These five goofs are close to taking over the entire world and this lesbian is loving every second of it.
image via Flickr user djrosstheboss