I’m a college freshman, 18, and I’m a “hopeless virgin,” in two ways. First, I’ve never been with anyone beyond innocent touching. Second, I’ve never been in a relationship. I have kissed a boy and I LOVED it, but that was about it.
I’m not ugly and I don’t suck as a human being. I see dudes who are complete dicks get guys and I’m not a dick and I wonder what I’m doing wrong. But no guys seem to notice me. I’m not a flashy gay guy nor am I a “straight acting” gay. I’m just somewhere in the middle.
My question is, well, how do I get myself out of this hopeless rut of virginity and singleness?
First of all, you’re not a “hopeless virgin.” You’re a fucking baby. I’m literally double your age and I can tell you, what you are going through is very normal. There are a LOT of people in your shoes, straight or gay.
I want to take a moment to talk about the time we live in. This is 2013. When I was your age, it was 1994. Homosexuality was still frowned upon, and we had zero role models anywhere to look upon. Times have drastically changed for the better, but there are consequences to these changes. Shows like “Glee” are wonderful in the sense that they show young love – Kurt Hummel is a flashy, ballsy gay kid who somehow dated the hottest guy on TV – Blaine Anderson. On a television show, that’s brilliant, because this kind of relationship is finally being portrayed. In real life, it can mess with your mind.
Kids are coming out younger and younger these days, and that’s fucking fantastic. However, all of you need to chill out. Seriously. I know your friends, especially straight ones, may have fun little romances or long-term relationships, but as an adult I can assure you, they don’t last. They’re practice. And just because you haven’t had one yet, it doesn’t mean you are “hopeless.” I think it’s great you are reaching out and have already kissed a guy. That is step one. Step two is having confidence in YOU. That is easier said than done, but it will be essential to get where you want to in relationships and in life. I suggest working out. You are at a college campus and there has to be some sort of gym. Do a half-hour on a treadmill/elliptical, 3 days a week, and a couple things will happen. You will get a natural high from the workout (it’s true), and you just may meet a guy there.
I do NOT suggest getting on apps like Grindr. They have the potential to do more harm than good. You need to get out in this world and not isolate yourself. You don’t need to be a “flashy gay” to meet someone. You just need to find YOU. When the right guy comes along, you can start to date him and eventually that will lead to fucking (SAFE FUCKING WITH A CONDOM) and BOOM – your virginity will be a thing of the past.
HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF. Relax. Work on yourself, and it WILL happen.
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