Gay-At-Home Dad Answers: How Do I Talk Dirty?

Everybody talks dirty, even straight people.

 

Welcome to the gay sex-ed class you never had.

 

I’m a college sophomore at a Texas university. Even though it’s one of the most conservative universities in the US, I’ve found a guy that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with. Whenever we have sex he always pulls me close, breathes heavy in my ear, and talks dirty. I try to do it back, but as a top I feel really awkward and don’t know what to say besides “ah.” I’m positive he notices and I don’t want this to set the trend for our sex life for the next 50+ years. Any advice?

-J

 

Dearest J –

First of all, I think your situation sounds sooooo adorable (and yummy). Like “Brokeback Mountain: College Edition.” Hearing you say that you desire to spend your life with him is wonderful and I think you should ensure that happens.

First:  you’re already assigning yourself as “the top.” Would you ever consider flip-fucking? Even if he shows no interest, it’d be good to see what it is like on his end. Empathy is the key to longevity in relationships. Gays and lesbians have a unique kind of sexual empathy in that we can experience the same exact thing the other does. Take advantage of this, you’ll like it and it may open up your eyes (and butthole) to new things.

Next:  I agree, “ah” doesn’t cut it. But you also don’t have to become a raunchy pig motherfucker overnight. Start off by listening to what he says and responding by just rewording it a little.

Examples:

1) He says “oh yeah, fuck me harder, it feels so fucking good,” you say “you like that? You want me to fuck you harder?”

2) He says “your cock feels so good” you say “oh yeah, does my cock feel good in your ass, baby? Do you like my cock in that ass?”

3) He says “hey baby, I want to sit on your face” you say “fuck yeah, you can sit that hot little ass on my face for hours.”

See? It’s easy. Soon you’ll be able to think of dirty talk all on your own. At that point, feel free to video it and send it in to me for further review.

Relationships are truly hard work, that isn’t just a straight myth. I wish you both the best of luck and I want to hear back once you’ve gotten up the courage to let him turn your ass over and take charge.

- Frank (@GayAtHomeDad)

 

Have a sex question? Want yours to be answered next week? Email me at: GayAtHomeDad@TheHomoLife.com. Nothing’s off limits.

 

image via Flickr user rachelkramerbusseldotcom

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One Response to Gay-At-Home Dad Answers: How Do I Talk Dirty?

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