Gay-At-Home Dad Answers: How Do I Become A Good Bottom?

 

Welcome to the gay sex-ed class you never had.

 

Hey, I’m newly gay and since you’re the HGC (Head Gay in Charge) I was hoping you could give me tips on how to be a good bottom. How should I clean my ass? Are there any crucial things I should know before I take the bottom role?

From R, 18-year-old college freshman

R:

First of all, it’s HGIC, but I’ll give you credit for recognizing the truth. Second, what the fuck is with the ass questions? Not that I couldn’t talk about an ass all day (I could), but damn.

Okay so here’s the Buttfucking 101 that your parents will never teach you. Basically it comes down to choices. You can be a planned bottom, or a sloppy bottom. Sloppy bottoms? Don’t really give a shit. Literally. And good for them, they end up leaving their mark every time they get fucked. Planned bottoms? Are in it to win it. It starts way ahead of the fucking. It goes a little something like this:

The day of, don’t eat anything ridiculous. No Indian food, no Taco Bell, no gorging of any kind. Keep things light. A couple hours before, use a Fleet brand enema, following the instructions. Give yourself a little time. You might want to repeat it a couple times with some warm water, but don’t get too cray. If you do, you’ll risk making yourself raw and then you definitely don’t want a dick up there. If you have time afterwards, take a bath. The bath kinda seals the deal and gets your butthole nice and soft and most importantly? Ready.

Don’t over-think it. People have been getting their asses fucked for thousands of years, far before Fleet enemas were around. The most important thing is to relax. When you actually go for it, start by sitting down on it and take control before you let him flip you over and he makes you his bitch.

 

- Frank (@GayAtHomeDad)

Want your question answered for next week’s column? Email me your question to me at: GayAtHomeDad@TheHomoLife.com

 

image via Flickr user MrGrau_2010

More from Frank Lowe (@GayAtHomeDad):

Gay-At-Home Dad Answers: How Do I Shave My Ass?

5 Responses to Gay-At-Home Dad Answers: How Do I Become A Good Bottom?

  1. ” Sloppy bottoms? Don’t really give a shit. Literally. And good for them, they end up leaving their mark every time they get fucked.” THIS! Never will I ever. Preparation is a must! Great article.

  2. Pingback: Gay-At-Home Dad Answers: How Do I Give My Man A Massage?

  3. Pingback: Gay-At-Home Dad Answers: I'm A Virgin

  4. Pingback: Gay-At-Home Dad Answers: Is It Possible To Just Be Friends With Another Gay Guy?

  5. Pingback: Gay-at-Home Dad Answers: How To Be The Best Top Ever