Face Scrub for the Poors

Scrub your fucking face! It’s common sense. You know that! But how? That’s a better question. I’ve owned 1 million face scrubs but have never been dedicated to a single one, because to be honest, having a dedicated face scrub is pretty boring and they’re all mostly the same. In my last Sephora purchase I got this sample of Laura Mercier Flawless Skin Face Polish, and I got pretty excited. “Face Polish? How Fancy!” I said, skipping to my sink (or more honestly, to my shower, where I like to use face scrubs better.) Laura Mercier most definitely falls into the category of “for rich bitches” so I was super excited. But…nothing. It’s fine, it felt like rubbing sand paper on my face in a hot way and it smells decent enough but honestly? That shit costs a million dollars and I am not down for that. That’s where my solution comes in. A BAG OF COCAINE!


Baking soda face scrub


No, kidding, BAKING POWDER!!!! Pour some of this in your hand, add facewash or water and mix it into a paste, rub it around on your face and it has the exact same horrible, wonderful effect for one millionth of the price. An added bonus is that because the baking powder is so fine you won’t have leftover grains all over your face after you rinse it off, which really irks me when I go to do my makeup afterwards. The other day I took my little plastic baggie where I download the powder from the box in the kitchen (my mom would murder me if she found that shit in the bathroom) into the shower and accidentally filled it with a bunch of water. “OH NO!” I thought, but then I realized I had just ruined like a nickel’s worth of powder. Then I realized my internal shudder was probably because I realized that I was going to have to go back downstairs, refill the bag, and then bring it upstairs. That’s when I started feeling bad about myself.

Originally published on The Sample Life beauty blog. Follow Emalie on Twitter! @The_Sample_Life

More from The Homo Life:

Face Masks For When You Don’t Want To Look Like A Terrible Monster

How To Look Like A Very Rich Bitch

4 Colognes To Take You From Ratchet To Riches

About Emalie Clamage

Emalie Clamage has a degree in Philosophy but chooses to write an aspirational beauty blog about grifting the latest in free samples. Her experience as the world's fugliest adolescent makes her an expert on all things vanity. She is a 16th cousin of the Kardashians but they won't return her tweets. Follow her on Twitter @The_Sample_Life

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