Now that Prince Twink Justin Bieber has broken from his longterm life-size American Girl doll Selena Gomez, the most eligible twink bachelor of our time is back on the market, and this time, he should date a boy. And not just any boy, but only a boy who can rival his gay straightness and set the world on fire. Here are five eligible twink bachelors that Bieber should consider as he sets out on his quest to find his new boo.
1. Tom Daley
If there’s one twink that has swept the nation just as much, if not more than the Bieber Fever, it’s Tom Daley and his speedo. Daley could very well dethrone JBiebs himself as Prince Twink, which might cause jealousy between the two as they get their hair done and go speedo shopping together. The two’s relationship would quickly fizzle out because not only do two bottoms not make a top, Daley probably only listens to Selena Gomez in bed and that’d make things awk.
2. Zayn Malik
Not only can Zayn belt it out like Biebs and send millions of tween girls into hysterics with a single tweet, but they may in fact be perfect for one another. Justin likes his ladies darker complected (i.e. Selena Gomez) and Zayn likes his ladies blonde (i.e. Perrie Edwards). And Zayn is arguably the most beautiful man on the entire planet and much more attractive than future tampon spokeswoman Gomez.
3. Cody Simpson
Cody Simpson is the ratchet, wannabe Justin Bieber. Yes, Cody Simpson is cute and talented and blah blah blah whatever but he’ll never make it as big as Bieber. Justin may like dating down, but he probably doesn’t even know who Cody is.
4. Zac Efron
If Justin Bieber is Prince Twink, than Zac Efron is King Twink. Before girls swooned over their Justin Bieber pillow cases, their iPods were filled with the sweet swinging voice of Disney Channel superstar and high school basketball playing hunk Zac Efron. Every gay middle school boy would re-watch his shirtless scenes obsessively to the point where the VHS tape almost broke. The two could sing together as they sat on hotel balconies naked. And honestly, who doesn’t want to hear a Bieber and Efron “Start of Something New” duet?
5. Justin Bieber’s sex doll
It’s no coincidence that the breakup happened the same week the doll was released. Justin knows that he can’t date anyone better than himself, so he might as well just fuck himself. Have fun with your inflatable penis, Justin.
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