Everybody knows that guys can be assholes, hooking up can lose its appeal, and casually dating can be a pain. So what if you were to stop worrying about boys and dates and hookups? What would happen? Would you be able to function?
Yes, you’d be able to function. You’d jerk off a lot more, but some other amazing things could happen.
You actually have money in your wallet.
Dating is fucking expensive. Between dinners, drinks, movies, lunches, day trips, weekend trips, concerts, and whatever else you do with a guy when you try to act like you don’t want to just get in his pants, the bills add up. You should be offering to pay for all, if not at least half, of the dates, unless you have a sugar daddy or you’re a gorgeous twink power bottom in the vein of Tom Daley, and if you are, I commend you. (Your special breed of gays can continue dating.) But for the rest of us, dates are a wildly expensive way to be miserable for two hours when you could easily be watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills for free online.
You save so much time once you’re not constantly scouring Grindr, Jack’d, OkCupid, Adam4Adam, etc…
Think of the amount of time you spend cruising Grindr, Jack’d, Adam4Adam, or God forbid, Manhunt or Craigslist every day and the actual amount of time you’re throwing away may surprise you. You probably get on Grindr instinctively when you’re bored, while you’re laying in bed, or when you’re waiting on a friend, and even when you’re not even looking to get a blowjee. Delete the apps, deactivate your accounts, and say hello to tons of free time you never had and waste it in a new way, like by getting on Twitter. There are hot guys on there too.
You can actually finish watching a movie.
You probably can’t even count the number of movies and TV shows you started when you were with a guy and then barely got through the opening credits. Ten minutes into “Bridesmaids,” the leg graze turns into a dick graze and the neck kiss turns into a blowjob. Next thing you know, they’re all in a bathroom vomming and shitting on each other which is the least appealing thing anyone could ever see while trying to relax after a hot and sweaty fuck.
You don’t have to religiously manscape.
Manscaping your dick, balls, ass, chest, and pits is a pain, and only truly necessary if someone’s about to see you naked, and if you aren’t planning to have a one night bed fight anytime soon, who cares if you’re pubes are a centimeter longer than they should be? Your hand probably doesn’t care, and unless you use the gym locker room as your cruising grounds, the straight guy changing next to you isn’t going to care either.
You can eat that donut.
That one donut or piece of cake or ice cream isn’t going to make you fat and unlovable. You don’t have to worry about looking bloated when a guy pulls your shirt off, or get nervous about his thinking that you weren’t worth the nice dinner he just paid for because you had a goddamn donut. Eat the donut and stop worrying about guys and letting them control your life.
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