While everyone else on the planet is making New Year’s resolutions to eat right, exercise, and be less of a dick, I’d rather make some fag-ulous wishes for 2013 and display my gay hopes and dreams on somewhat of a digital inspiration board. I’m going to think of it like The Secret: if we stare at this article every day in 2013, it’s all bound to come true, right?
Let’s get started!
In 2013 I wish, dream, and hope that…
- baby Kimye won’t just look like a baby version of Kanye West.
- Lindsay Lohan will realize she has yet to hit rock bottom and signs a deal for a reality TV show.
- Rihanna will take a fucking vacation and not release a new album.
- we can stop saying slay, kiki, stan, and shade.
- Beyonce’s upcoming album (and Super Bowl performance!), Lady Gaga’s ARTPOP, and Britney Spear’s new music will all be as fab as can be.
- homophobes will stop making such a big deal about gay marriage.
- Bethenny Frankel will grace our small screens with a 3rd season of Bethenny Ever After.
- Rebel Wilson will star in every single movie.
- Andy Cohen will give himself a dating show to find find the best twink in America to take his hand in gaaaaayyyy marriage.
- Grindr will create a “block all ugly guys” button.
- Tom Daley will come out of the closet.
- someone will make a One Direction gay porn parody.
- LMFAO will be put in jail.
- an American version of 1 Girl 5 Gays will come to MTV.
- everyone will stop taking selfies.
- a fast food chain will come out in support of equality, giving us all an excuse to eat fattening, shitty, AMAZING food whenever we want.
- Zayn Malik will be my boyfriend.
- Skinnygirl will be sold in 20-ounce bottles in every bodega in New York City.
- there will be a “gay Real Housewives” reality show that doesn’t suck.
What are your gay wishes for 2013? Let me know in the comment section below!
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