10 Reasons Why Gay Boys Should Never Ask Me For Advice

 

Every week I receive tweets, emails, and Facebook messages from readers. I talk to readers about their issues, which are similar to mine, and their personal lives. I love the letters. I agreed to write on the Homo Life because I wanted to open a dialogue for gays between the ages of 14 and 24 and support a space dedicated to gay male stories and issues. But in the last few weeks boys have asked me for life advice—and I have a problem with that. I’m funny and honest, but that doesn’t make me a qualified psychologist. I was a bad teenager and still need to work out several serious personal issues. You should never emulate me. There are many reasons why you should never ask me for advice. Here are the top ten:

1.) I struggle to communicate with boys.
2.) I have never slept with the same person twice or been a part of a long-term relationship.
3.) I divide the boys in my life into three categories: boys I want to sleep with, boys I want to befriend, and boys I want to write about.
4.) The nicest boy I ever slept with was my best friend’s acid dealer.
5.) My mom belongs to “the Bad Mom’s Club” and says I’m “just like her.”
6.) I’m still processing being anally raped freshman year of college.
7.) Last Friday night I went home with a boy. As I lay in his bed, he told me he read “that essay I wrote about being raped.” I kissed him anyways.
8.) I gave a handjob to a preacher boy’s son on a dog bed in my mom’s garage.
9.) I grew up in Florida.
10.) The summer before senior year, I blew my friendemy’s fuck buddy behind a KFC.

That said, if you still actually want to shoot the shit with me, email me at Mitchell.P.Sunderland@gmail.com. I write in hopes of promoting an open dialogue and honesty. I’d love to talk.

Follow Mitchell Sunderland on Twitter! @MitchSunderland

More from Mitchell Sunderland:

Boners on the Rugby Field: An Interview With Berlin’s Gay Rugby Team

I’m Balding At 21

He Shoved His Dick Up My Ass Without Permission (It Felt Like A Kiss)

About Mitchell Sunderland

Mitchell Sunderland is freelance writer and social media manager in New York. His work has appeared in VICE Magazine, Thought Catalog, The Billfold, Rookie Mag, the Huffington Post, and Emily Books Quarterly. He has ghost tweeted as and managed social media publicity campaigns for authors at Simon & Schuster, Crown/Random House, and Plume/Penguin and various tech companies. He tweets and tumblrs regularly. Email him about your life and his work at mitchell.p.sunderland@gmail.com.

3 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Gay Boys Should Never Ask Me For Advice

  1. Alex says:

    I love this guy

  2. I once gave a guy a blow job in a dog house on a particularly cold Thanksgiving day. The dog waited outside then the guy and I went inside and ate some of my grandmas tamales. So there you have my excuse for never giving people advice.

  3. Pingback: HOW TO KICK TWITTER’S ASS: The Name Game

Leave a Reply